(AKA How To Sound Smart In Your Next Online Rant)
What is the internet? The internet is, at heart, a communication tool, a way for disparate people across the globe to spread ideas, opinions, and generally communicate with each other more easily than has ever been possible. Unfortunately, communication is hard.
Finnish academic Osmo Antero Wiio formulated a serious of humorous laws that succinctly explain how communication works between humans; specifically, that it doesn't. The set of laws Wiio created are often summarized as Wiio's Law:
"Communication usually fails, except by accident."
So maybe, instead of being angry that people didn't get what we said, perhaps we should merely be pleased when, against all odds, they actually understand what we are saying.
Kranzburg's First Law of Technology
Melvin Kranzberg was a professor of history, specifically the history of technology (and, apparently, a WWII-era interrogator. Office hours must have been stressful for his students). Kransberg formulated a series of laws about technology and its place in history, most famous of which is his First Law of Technology:
"Technology is neither good nor bad; nor is it neutral."
In other words, technology is not inherently anything; it's value is imposed upon it by whomever uses it. Technology itself has no intrinsic value. Perhaps this is why Apple removed the headphone jack from the iPhone.
Ever wonder why the vast majority of things on the internet are terrible? So did Theodore Sturgeon, except for everything. Sturgeon was a science fiction and horror writer, and he was appalled that most science fiction of his day was utter trash. Hence he coined Sturgeon's Revelation, which is now more widely known as Sturgeon's Law.
"90% of everything is crap."
Yes, everything. Makes me wonder if he included his own work in that statement.
But it's not all tongue-in-cheek: Sturgeon's law has been cited by noted philosopher Daniel Dennett as one of his critical tools for thinking. So not only is 90% of everything crap, the awareness of this fact is important to be properly aware of critical thinking. Yay for not liking anything ever!
The 1% Rule
The 1% Rule is an adage which states:
"Only 1% of the users of a website actively create new content, while the other 99% of the participants only lurk."
In other words, most people just sit in the metaphorical shadows and read what the 1% write. This is particularly interesting to think about in the context of designing communities like reddit or Stack Overflow, since if only 1% of the people will create content, how do the site owners get the 99% to stick around and read things? Unless you get incredibly lucky, figuring out how to make both the 1% and the 99% happy is very tricky, and only a few sites get it right.
If you don't like swearing, you'd best skip this section. The Dickwad theory was put forth in the online comic strip Penny Arcade, and states:
"Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Dickwad"
Ever wonder why trolls exist on the internet in exponentially greater numbers than in real life? Dickwad theory proposes the reason: when a normal person received total anonymity and an audience, s/he loses all their inhibitions and promptly starts to act like a total raging asshole. Anyone who has been on the internet long enough has encountered someone who proves this theory, and if they say they haven't, it's because they themselves are proving it.
Dickwad theory is apparently also known as online disinhibition effect, but that's not nearly as interesting a name for this phenomenon.
The next few laws relate to how people communicate on the Internet, specifically how they use text. This particular adage is the one law on this list that, most likely, everyone has heard of. Godwin's Law was written by attorney Mike Godwin on a Usenet group in 1990, and it states the following:
"As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
What's particularly interesting about this law is that Godwin himself deliberately and repeatedly posted this law anywhere he could, according to a 1994 article written by him and published in Wired. He specifically calls it "meme engineering" (as he invented the idea of an "internet meme"), and it remains possibly the most successful case of this yet seen.
There's an inherent problem in trying to communicate via text: the inflection and intonation that is so readily apparent in verbal speech is missing. Consequently, what would be obvious when spoken might be missed when written down.
Poe's Law (named after Nathan Poe, who wrote the original formulation of it in 2005) states the following:
"Without a clear indicator of the author's intent, parodies of extreme views will be mistaken by some readers or viewers as sincere expressions of the parodied views."
No matter how obvious it is that you are making fun of something, unless you explicitly state that you are doing so, someone somewhere will think you are being serious.
The original text of this law cited Creationism, but it has been repeatedly proven to be true for any sufficiently contentious topic (by which I mean: all of them).
One of the more obscure laws on this list is Skitt's Law, which states:
"Any post correcting an error in another post will contain at least one error itself."
I'm tempted to think of this as the Law of Glass Houses, after the famous proverb, "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." At any rate, Skitt's Law demonstrates an incontrovertible fact about the internet: if you feel the need to correct someone else, you'd best be prepared for someone to correct you.
Law of Exclamation
Punctuation can actually be a tip-off as to whether or not what you are reading is total crap. The Law of Exclamation says:
"The more exclamation points used in an email (or other posting), the more likely it is a complete lie."
An example of this law is found in the novel Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, one of his Discworld series. In it, a character states that "five exclamation marks [are] the sure sign of an insane mind." Remember this next time you think you need more than one exclamation point (and are not a teenager).
The modern internet owes a lot to Ward Cunningham, a programmer who among other things invented the wiki. He's also known for having his name attached to a particularly keen insight into how questions and answers work on the internet (though he didn't originate this law; his coworker Steven McGeady did). Cunningham's Law is usually written as follows:
"The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
McGeady even cited a site that relies on Cunningham's invention as the best proof of the truth of this law: Wikipedia.
The Wiki Rule
Speaking of wikis, there's another theory that states that there is a wiki for anything. It's called The Wiki Rule:
"There's a wiki for that."
Yes, that. And that. And even that. If you can think of it, if it has at least one fan out there, there's probably a wiki for it, and some of these wikis can get astoundingly large.
Ever get into an argument on the internet? Stop lying; of course you have. Have you ever been able to figure out who actually won said argument? Danth's Law gives you this handy tip:
"If you have to insist that you've won an Internet argument, you've probably lost badly."
Because if you'd actually won the argument, you wouldn't need to argue that you did.
Law of the Echo Chamber
Let's be real for a second: in a lot of ways, the Internet has made modern life easier and more accessible, but in some ways the promises of this great web of information simply haven't materialized.
The idealistic goal of the internet was to be democratic, to show us all sides of any possible argument in a non-biased way. Problem is, people are inherently biased, and the internet is run by people, so that bias leaks in. In fact, it leaks so much that more often than not your circle of internet friends is populated by people who subscribe to the same opinions you do.
I therefore propose something I've been calling the Law of the Echo Chamber:
"If you feel comfortable enough to post an opinion of any importance on any given Internet site, you are most likely delivering that opinion to people who already agree with you."
There is a corollary to the Law of the Echo Chamber, which I've taken to calling Munroe's Law after the cartoonist who draws and publishes the comic xkcd. A while back Randall Munroe posted the following cartoon, and it has since become something of a meme.
We've all been there. That comic is merely a funny way of stating the following:
"You will never change anyone's opinion on anything by making a post on the Internet. This will not stop you from trying."
Golden Rule of the Internet (AKA Wheaton's Law)
The traditional phrasing of the Golden Rule is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Actor and writer Wil Wheaton coined a slightly shorter version which has occasionally been referred to as Wheaton's Law:
"Don't be a dick"
Because sometimes it really is just that simple.
Many of the laws enumerated above don't apply to just the internet; they apply to life and behavior of humans in general. This is, of course, intentional. After all, the users of the internet are people, regardless of what they want you to think they are.
Did I miss any fundamental laws of the internet that you've found useful? Feel free to sound off in the comments!
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